The Best of Whatever—Matthew C. Funk

2010 brings to mind an old Chinese curse: “May you live in interesting times.”

This year was an interesting animal. A predator to be sure—sleek and edged and hungry. This year fed to bursting, moved on starving to the next meal, burning off the last. It ate pieces of people that will never grow back and it only got hungrier and stronger.

Lucky for us, tigers are marvelous to behold, and everybody tunes in for Shark Week. Adrenaline is contagious. You can live on the stuff for awhile. And there was plenty to go around in 2010.

Time to chart the bite marks. The Chinese have it all wrong, see: Curses are just blessings in more memorable form.

Here are Ten that deserve to be shared.

10. PIKE by Benjamin Whitmer. It’s not the flagship of the fledgling PM Press, the new bad boys of noir, but it’s the fire ship for sure. Pike illuminates the literary potential of a genre that too often resorts to formula and punches pulled. This is proof that ink is still explosive.

9. The Walking Dead on AMC. I’ve been waiting since Twilight for something to devour the vampire fad in horror TV and to regurgitate something substantive. Frank Darabont took the story of Robert Kirkman’s award-winning comic and made something attractive to fans and neonates alike. Horror has finally become human again.

8. Popeye’s Chicken. Louisiana stays hip and this fast food chain got down with it in a big way. Jambalaya served in Styrofoam seems like a sin, but it’s my kind of sin. Tuesday specials of 99-cent two-piece meals, spiced with rat poison, is an irresistibly tasty self-abuse.

7. Hatchet II. There’s a revolution in horror film to bring back unrated slasher flicks without sacrificing distribution, and Hatchet II broke through the barricade this year. Anybody who’s had a brush with the MPAA rating system will tell you that there’s not a worse flock of moralists. I hope they fall under the Hatchet and the films that follow it.

6. War Tard. When Gary Brecher lost his home at the Exile and the War Nerd went silent, the world lost its best voice in global politics outside the locked compound of the RAND Corporation. Now Brecher is back under the mysterious mantle of the War Tard, and his articles fusing defense studies, geek culture and balls are not to be missed.

5. John Dies At The End. Have Jesus Christ magic together a cross-dressing robot from Adam Smith, George Carlin and Thomas Friedman, and you get David Wong, editor-in-chief of the game-changing comedy site, Cracked.com, and author of the best horror novel since Lovecraft shot vampires into space. Wong’s John Dies At The End is a scary story too smart, too suspenseful and too flat-out funny for any genre to fit it.

4. The US Electric. There is a space in human imagination ruled entirely by sound, and the sovereigns of that space are the US Electric. A duo of composers as eclectic as they are modest, they envision sound in a way that would make David Bowie feel like the ape in front of the monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

3. The Cellar by Richard Laymon. In my vast dietary history of horror, from Anne Rice’s flouncing dark romances to Lovecraft’s stark and arcane image of hostile universes, I have consumed nothing so unsettling, so piquantly disgusting, as Richard Laymon’s The Cellar. Its trim prose is rich with vileness that stains even the staunchest psyche. Devour at your peril.

2. Rabid Child by Pete Risley. If every genre has its parallel luminaries, Pete Risley is noir’s Nabokov—and not just because Rabid Child’s protagonist is a feckless, shrinking pedophile. Risley manages to infuse timely social commentary, Biblical mysticism, zany humor, palpable terror and literary reference into a page-turning plot. His use of language is dark magic, and brave readers should fall under Rabid Child’s spell.

1. Superbowl XLIV. Nothing better represented the triumph of celebration, cunning and the will to win like the New Orleans Saints winning their first Superbowl. Champions of a city that has suffered the worst ravages of any in America and that keeps singing only louder, the Saints convinced me that this year would be a good one, no matter how bad it got. It’s the lesson that teaches that there’s always more to living than survival.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Matthew C. Funk is a professional writer in marketing for corporate America, a writing mentor and the author of several manuscripts that illuminate the beauty of human extremes. A graduate of the Professional Writing MFA at USC, his online work is featured at sites such as Crimefactory, Needle Magazine, Thuglit, Powder Burn Flash, Thrillers, Killers and Chillers, Twist of Noir, Six Sentences Volume 3, and his web domain.

The Best of Whatever—Steve Weddle

Without a doubt, the greatest “new to me” discovery of 2010 was this Coke Zero thing. I hadn’t had soda in probably 15 years. In college I’d down about 17 gallons a day, but I’d given it up for some reason. Chemicals. Sugar. Hell if I can remember. So when I went low-carb in May and had to give up every food and beverage group I hold dear, I looked for replacements. Sausage and eggs instead of Froot Loops. A pint of Jack Daniels instead of a fifth. And Coke Zero instead of sweet tea. It fizzes. It tingles. It spreads its sweet syrup down the gullet. Ah, good times.

And, of course, there were books.

The Damage Done by Hilary Davidson.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Not only is this the best debut I've read in a while, this is the best book I've read in a long time.
Sharp and quick, you're moving along with Lily here as she tries to find out what happened to her sister.

8 Pounds by Chris F. Holm

A collection of stories from an author whose work has appeared in AHMM and EQMM and Spinetingler? What’s not to love? These are billed as stories of suspense, crime, and horror. Turns out, each story has all of those qualities. Honestly, I’ll never hear mice in the walls quite the same after reading this ebook.

Skating Around the Law by Joelle Charbonneau

This might be the only cozy I’ve ever read, but it won’t be the last. I’ll read the next one in the series.
Many people have written about the camel in this one. Or the sexually over-active grandfather. What they fail to mention is the food fight in the diner. Can your murder mystery pull that off?

This Dark Earth by John Hornor Jacobs

This is JHJ’s zombie/post-apocalypse novel, and it’s full of brilliance. The plotting, the character development, the sorrow, the fear. This is one of those novels I read that I find myself thinking
of months later, for no reason at all.
JHJ’s novel Southern Gods is coming out next year from Night Shade Press, and I’m sure I’ll love that one as much, though it doesn’t seem possible.
What scares me about the publishing industry is that no one has picked up This Dark Earth. I mean, it doesn’t scare me as much as the book did, but still.

Pike by Benjamin Whitmer

Reading a good deal of noir fiction, I’m kinda hardened to the idea of the good guy in the book being a bad guy. Oh, a tough guy with a heart. How fresh, right? So when I read Pike and the idea of good and
bad started to lose all meaning, I found myself reading the story on a whole new level. From the discussion we’re having at the DoSomeDamage Goodreads book group, this book is a favorite of many.

Mystic River by Dennis Lehane

This one didn’t come out this year, but it’s new to me. What a great read. If I still had a heart, this book would have broken it seven or eight time. Just a horrible, beautiful story that claws down to the very depths of whatever it means to be a human.

This site for generating names: http://www.kleimo.com/random/name.cfm A heckuva great tool for a writer.

All the great writers out there I’d never read. Sure, we get a ton of submissions over at NEEDLE, which started this year. We read some great stuff. But there’s also the great Crimefactory, which started this year. And A Twist of Noir, which is really hitting its stride as of late. Not to mention Plots with Guns and Beat To A Pulp. The noir community is putting out some fantastic writing, and that’s a great discovery ever day. And on top of that, sites such as Christopher Rhatigan’s Death By Killing and The Rap Sheet and others –including Crimespree Magazine and Mystery Scene Magazine – help keep me on top of what’s out there and worth reading.

OK. So I kinda crammed a bunch of stuff in that last one, so let me end with this: puppies.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: A former English professor, Steve Weddle has an MFA in poetry and hates guns.Every Monday, he takes a break from being a complete sissy to blog about crime fiction at DoSomeDamage. Weddle also works with John Hornor Jacobs on NEEDLE.This year his short fiction has appeared at Beat To A Pulp, Crime Factory, and A Twist of Noir.

The Best of Whatever--Nigel Bird

I’m aware that I’m a little behind the times. My own bookshelf is weighed down with work I know would have made it onto the list I’m about to give. The good news for those titles is that there’s always next year’s list.

Of the books I’ve read in 2010, these have been my favorites:

The Longshot by Katie Kitamura

A laconic tale of a fighter and his trainer going up against the next generation. Gutsy and beautifully written.

Donkey Punch by Ray Banks

I read this back to back with The Longshot. It’s a brilliant telling of a boxing story where Cal Innes has the job of minding a fresh talent.

Bloody Women by Helen Fitzgerald

A woman is arrested for the murder of her ex-boyfriends and can’t be sure whether she’s guilty or not. Dark and entertaining.

A Simple Act Of Violence by RJ Ellory

CIA meet Washington’s Second Precinct. I really felt I was inside the minds of both the killer and the detective. Outstanding.

Deadfolk by Charlie Williams

A bouncer in a small town has his courage questioned. The voice of the story is wonderful.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

If you pick this up, bear in mind that the first fifty pages don’t do it justice. Characters sketched in fine detail and ultimately very satisfying. The good news for me is that I still have two more in the trilogy to go.

Old Dogs by Donna Moore

A crazy, enjoyable crime caper that’s packed with humour of the highest order. I challenge you not to laugh out loud at least twenty times if you take this on.

So that was seven. They’re great reads, each and every one.

The final three on my list are something even more special. They’re packed full of power, style and craft and have left me haunted by their shadows.

Pike by Benjamin Whitmer

I came across this via Keith and an interview he’d done with Ben for Spinetingler - I knew immediately it was a book for me. Its characters are all fucked and the world they live in screwed, but the story is gripping in a way that means it’s hard to let go of. Something to behold.

Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock

This is a series of short stories that take place in and around the town of Knockemstiff. I could only read a couple at once, so full are they of quality writing. I imagine that it’s like watching an autopsy, seeing the scalpel making clean incisions to reveal the whole package guts and all. By the end I didn’t want to leave the place, felt like I’d moved in, like I belonged (madness). Utterly brilliant.

Savages by Don Winslow

The passages here are short and breezy. They have a lightness of touch that is hugely deceptive, for as we see a drugs war unfold we become all too aware that someone we love is likely to get hurt. Our three main characters are almost like gods of sorts, producing and distributing the finest, custom grown dope on the planet. Not everyone’s happy about that. Sometimes poetry, always packing a punch and very special. The word translucent comes to mind, but you’ll have to read it to understand why.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Nigel Bird writes short and long, suspecting he’s more of a sprinter than a marathon runner. Over the past year he has been fortunate to have had work published by people he respects, which has meant a huge amount. He’s also been working hard at his blog Sea Minor. Since it started snowing a week or so ago he has given up shaving and is considering growing a beard for Christmas.

The Best of Whatever--Naomi Johnson

I tried to whittle this list down to ten, but I had to stretch it to eleven. I'm listing only novels here, not collections or anthologies. That would have stretched the list out much further. In no particular order:

NO SLEEP TILL WONDERLAND by Paul Tremblay. Tremblay turns what seems like a gimick (a narcoleptic PI) into lyrical and evocative reading.

PRINT THE LEGEND by Craig McDonald. It's no secret how much I love the Hector Lassiter series. I can't even think about this book without wanting to re-read it.

WAKE UP DEAD by Roger Smith. Brutal and brilliant, and better still: revelatory.

MEMORY by Donald Westlake. Some Westlake fans found this very serious bit of literature not to their taste. I thought it was heartbreaking and bleak and a significant work from a master.

THE WOLVES OF FAIRMOUNT PARK by Dennis Tafoya. Powerful and provocative, with passages so beautiful and moving it's hard to believe this is only Tafoya's second novel.

BUCKET NUT by Liza Cody. Sharp, funny, and altogether original.

THE CARETAKER OF LORNE FIELD by Dave Zeltserman. A classic, and that's all there is to it.

SAVAGES by Don Winslow. Ultra-cool. Witty, sophisticated writing.

THE GLASS RAINBOW by James Lee Burke. One of Burke's best. Highly charged and beautifully written.

BURY ME DEEP by Megan Abbott. Genuine noir. Accept no substitutes. Exquisite prose.

EVERY BITTER THING by Leighton Gage. Quick, entertaining procedural that turns the tables on the reader in the final chapter.

Oh, and I haven't finished Benjamin Whitmer's PIKE yet, but I won't be surprised if by book's end this one makes the list, too.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Naomi Johnson is a fitful writer whose work can occasionally be found at A Twist of Noir. She has also had work published at Crime Factory and in Encounters Magazine. She writes the occasional review at The Drowning Machine.

The Best of Whatever--Kieran Shea

What’s this now? Oh Christ. A top ten best of list? Really? No way am I doing a top ten best of for you. Have you any idea how much I read, how all over the board that reading is? It’s ridiculous. Like Crimespree turbo-Jordan-ridiculous. I've got sci-fi, I've got westerns, I've got philosophy....oh, all right. Stop your whining Comic-wise? Get hip and get wise to Greg Rucka’s STUMPTOWN while there’s still a pause in the action. Saw Mr. Rucka at the B’con bar this Fall and he promises more. Also, I know it’s relatively new but jump on board with the spree killer pre-Katrina cop drama SWEETS by newcomer Kody Chamberlain. What else? Can’t say enough about Ba and Moon's DAYTRIPPER or Layman's CHEW. Non-fiction real life shivers? Get some of Ollestad’s CRAZY FOR THE STORM or watch Ellroy unravel like a horny roll of infected bandages in THE HILILKER CURSE. Steampunk got you fascinated? Without question read BONESHAKER by Cherie (God, I so have a crush on you, girl) Priest. You will never read another zombie novel ever. Goddamn it, if some Quackenstein ground up Lehane’s pacing and Pelecanos’ pathos and added some high-powered action sequences that takes your breath away they’d call it Tafoya's THE WOLVES OF fucking FAIRMOUNT PARK. Oh, and you know what else? I don’t care if he’s Jack Sparrow’s brother BABYLON NIGHTS (the follow up to Daniel Depp’s Shamus-nominated LOSER’S TOWN) was awesome. THE FIRST RULE shows us where the real the real Crais hangs his hat (and it ain't in no clown's a-frame in the hills.) Another kind of Pike would be, of course, PIKE by Ben Whitmer. Okay, one more. Zeltserman's THE CARETAKER OF LORNE FIELD shows you why he's the quiet Lou Piniella of crime fiction. That’s enough. You’ve had your fun. Now go away.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jersey-born writer, gadfly, and débrouillard...Kieran Shea scratches at the eightball of crime fiction like a lot of sordid lots. Recently his work was nominated for The 2009 Story South Million Writers Award. Sometimes you can find him at 39.070388 N,-76.545241 W other times at 39.277616 N,-74.5746 W, but mostly he's at large. You can find him lurking around his blog, Black Irish Blarny